Once You're Over 80, Your Friends Are Sadly Prone to Pop Their Clogs

Early this afternoon I was getting ready to go to the White Horse pub in Shere in Surrey with one of my daughters. I'd booked the local Dial a Ride service and we were going for lunch.

The phone rang and a friend announced that one of our friends, John Berry, had died. John was 92 - almost 93, I'm not sure. We'd been friends, a group of us, for a good 16 years I suppose, though in recent years we hadn't seen much of him. A few months ago we all went out to dinner and he was on good form - completely on the ball and in good humour.

Recently, we heard he'd gone into hospital for a stomach operation, suspected stomach cancer. But no, the surgeon found no cancer and John was going to spend a few more days in hospital and would then come home, even though an army of carers was apparently going to help him at home.

However, it wasn't to be and he didn't, obviously, recover from the op.

When you get to be 80 you have to accept that, increasingly, your friends will die. Somewhere around 55, I suppose, or maybe later, you become aware that you're going to more funerals than weddings. At 81, the funerals become all too common.

A few weeks ago a very close friend of mine died after a simple fall in her home. She was a bit unsteady on her feet and just toppled backwards. Unfortunately, the fall was enough to fracture her skull and she died that same weekend. When I looked at her obituary in the Surrey Advertiser I was shocked to see the obituary of another friend of mine too. I hadn't heard yet that he had died but there was the announcement, already in black and white.

Quite a few of my friends are younger than I am but I'm very aware that my friends around and over the age of 80 are vulnerable, just as I am. Perhaps it makes us appreciate each other more. It should do. When you're young, by and large, it doesn't occur to you that each time you see a friend may be the last. For those of us over 80, there's always that possibility. I treasure all my friends but I know that the very old are the least likely to be around next year or the year after. That's not being pessimistic, just realistic. And being realistic is useful since it means we can appreciate each other's friendship that bit more while we have the chance.