Growing Older. Stay Open To New Cultures and Meet New People - Even in Your 80s

I live in a flat in Guildford in Surrey, in the south of England. I've lived here for over 35 years, since marrying my second husband after I was widowed at 38. (I'll write later on about my husbands, marriages, being twice widowed, losing another boyfriend to open heart surgery and meeting my current 'boyfriend' when I was 63.)

It's a nice flat, with lawns on either side and tall pine trees where gold finches nest and breed. On the other side of the landing my next door neighbour is one of the Cadbury family. Or rather, she was, but she now lives in the Middle East with her husband and children. For years now, she's let the flat out on fairly short term leases.

I don't really know why but every tenant she's ever had has been foreign. Whether that's because of the agency she uses, or the rent she charges or just because the demand for rental properties in Guildford is from non-British people for some reason I have no idea.

For me, it's meant an ever-revolving door of neighbours from other countries, continents and races, speaking other languages. And that's meant a chance to meet people I never would have met otherwise, help them a bit if they have queries about the building or about living in Guildford, and learn a bit about their cultures. It's usually been very interesting.

Currently there's a Kurdish couple renting. The young wife was educated in Canada and has an American accent. I'm not sure what accent her husband has. When they first arrived I was a bit put out because on the first day they opened all the windows in the building, though it was cold outside, and moved the pot plants I carefully cultivate on the window sills. Then a very odd acrid smell, unlike anything I've ever smelt before, came wafting from the flat. It wasn't like something cooking. I wondered if it was part of some sort of religious ritual, 'cleansing' a new home? Anyway, after a day or so the smell went and I closed the windows and put the plants back and that was the end of that. I soon invited the new tenants round for a drink and they arrived with flowers and chocolate. The young woman refused a glass of wine but her husband shared a couple of glasses of pinot grigio with me. I don't know if she refused alcohol on religious grounds. We didn't really discuss anything about their background or where they're from. These days it's difficult to chat freely which is a shame as it's interesting to ask where people come from and to talk about their country and your own. The only thing I really learnt about them is that the husband is a paediatrician at the Royal Surrey County Hospital, probably in his late 30s. They're both very pleasant, as most of the tenants have been.

There were four Spanish guys a few years ago. Students. They looked a bit stroppy but turned out to be very kind. They'd carry my shopping up the stairs when they ran into me and after a while told me if I had heavy shopping to knock on their door and they'd come down and carry it up for me. I thought that was very considerate - students have their own lives to live without elderly ladies appearing at their door asking for help. After they left a lot of letters kept arriving for them. They gave me a forwarding address and maybe they regretted that because I got the idea some of the letters might be from people  the boys owed money to...

Then there were two Lebanese guys. They were very solemn and not very friendly. The first thing they did was to put a Sky dish on their balcony, which isn't allowed under the flats' regulations. As I was Director of the Residents' Association at that time I got the job of going round to explain and tell them they had to take it down. They weren't very pleased but they did it. Like lots of young men, I guess, they didn't seem to be very domesticated - the outhouse where the rubbish goes was stuffed with empty pizza boxes all the time when they were renting!
Two French girls rented for a while. They were really pleasant, lively and full of Gallic charm. Everyone says the French health system is the best in the world and certainly the girls were not terribly impressed with the NHS (which I worked in for many years.) One of them went to a GP with a bad cold one day and was shocked to be sent home with (perfectly good) advice to take an aspirin! She gave me the impression she expected some serious treatment but I can't imagine what. We saw quite a bit of each other, my French neighbours and I, and I tried to speak some very rusty French with them. I passed French years ago when I got my School Certificate - but that was over 60 years ago. When they returned to France after their university studies ended they left me a letter saying they'd enjoyed being my neighbours. I thought that was very sweet.

Then there was a young Indian couple with two nice little girls. They were pleasant too. One Saturday not long after we introduced ourselves to each other the wife knocked on my door and presented me with a huge bowl of lamb curry. "This is for your lunch" she said. It was very kind of her - and very good. They were a quiet family, very organised I think. I remember giggling a bit to myself one day after the husband came in to my flat to borrow something or other and sitting neatly on my sofa, looking around at my flat, he said approvingly "This is a very well-maintained house". I don't really think of my home as very well maintained.

There was a sweet young Thai girl, a student from Bangkok I think. She inadvertently left the flat's central heating on at full blast when she went home to Thailand over the Christmas holidays. When she returned she knocked on my door in tears as the flat was full of condensation and there was mildew on the walls. I felt so sorry for her. She told me sorrowfully and very sweetly: "My mother told me not to upset anyone in England." She was so concerned about behaving well. She'd brought me a beautiful silk scarf from Bangkok as a present. We sorted the flat problem out together.

A young Chinese couple came to study at Surrey University. While they were renting next door and studying, the wife became pregnant. Quite soon after arriving in Guildford. They were very impressed at the pre-natal and post-natal care they and the baby received and the fact that it was all free. They came back to Guildford a couple of years later and did exactly the same thing. Had a second baby. I didn't think it was really right to come and use the NHS for free but I liked them and wished them well and now I wonder if they actually came in order to avoid China's one child policy? Perhaps they can get away with having two babies if they have them outside China?

When I think of all the tenants renting next door from other countries I realise I've met a lot of people from other cultures. It's surprising in a way though that, though we got to know each other, I didn't feel free to ask them much about their own cultures because all that has become so sensitive in Britain. It's a shame. It would be much more interesting if people could talk freely and ask each other questions. When I was young, you didn't automatically meet people from other countries. In my youth the unfortunate thing that got people crossing continents was mostly the war. (We had a Polish airman billeted with us during the war, for example, who had escaped the Nazi invasion of Poland with his wife and daughter.) I don't know if my mother and father ever even met a black person in pre- or post-wartime Lancashire. And I was 17 before I did. Now, there's so much opportunity to meet and learn from each other. We should all be free to talk, ask each other questions and enjoy finding out about other continents.